parlando

where will rush go?

Posted on March 9th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Stuff, Media.

Rush Limbaugh will leave the US if health care reform is passed.

Any sane person would applaud; that was my first thought. But my second was: What country is Limbaugh going to? Most every developed country has national health care. Answer: Costa Rica.

0 comments.

old post (from the well) #27, 12 apr 99

Posted on March 7th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Old Posts.

Irony is the all-purpose ass-cover.

0 comments.

old post #26, 13 oct 05

Posted on March 6th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Stock Phrases, Old Posts.

Blurbs that go on about sacred cows, naked emperors, puncturing pretensions, daring to say what others only think, etc, lean upon the reader to agree or be judged cowardly, staid, unhip. It's an attempt to put the reader on the defensive if they don't care for "satire" that is generally about as daring as a fart in class.

Worst of all: "This book has something to offend everyone."

0 comments.

old post #25, 12 jul 01

Posted on March 3rd, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Comedy, Old Posts.

A few gentler ways of saying Myers isn't the writer that Twain was:

1: Myers isn't the writer Twain was. (But then, who is?)

2: Myers, while a fine writer in many ways, is not the towering giant of literature that Twain was.

3: Twain -- and I don't want to overstate this, because after all Myers is young and history may judge him kindly -- was a great writer, of course, while Myers has yet to establish his possible greatness.

4: Without wishing to dismiss your comparison out of hand, or discount its relevance to the argument, I think it's worth pointing out that Twain is a great writer, and Myers is, perhaps, slightly less than great.

5: I appreciate your point regarding Mark Twain; thank you for bringing it to the table. It certainly can be said that Mark Twain's famous attack on Cooper is similar in some ways to the BR Myers piece. We would be remiss not to acknowledge that. However, I think that it is also worth noting that Mark Twain is a great writer, and that his stylistic and rhetorical skills may have much to do with the success of his Cooper piece; while Myers, though able and worthy, lacks some of Twain's vigor, concision, and insight.

6: Myers isn't the writer Twain was, IMHO.

0 comments.

old post #24, 22-24 may 99

Posted on March 2nd, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Reading Classics, Books, Old Posts.

I'm three-fourths of the way through I Capture the Castle. It really isn't that much like Cold Comfort Farm, in my view, except for the charm of the narrative voice; it's not at all a farce, mainly. It's a romance, a good one, and right now it's awfully sad, though I trust it doesn't remain so.
(. . .)
Just finished I Capture the Castle. It's heartbreaking. I didn't expect that. It's a marvelous book, but I'm not sure I'm ever going to want to reread it.

(Note: It's eleven years. I remember it as a marvelous book, but indeed I haven't reread it. Maybe I will; I'm very forgetful now.)

0 comments.

old post #23, 3 jun 97

Posted on March 2nd, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Comedy, Old Posts.

(My entry in a "literary commercial" contest.)

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say
'Think well upon your future:
Your life will end someday.

Stash pearls away and rubies,
Embrace security.'
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.

When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again,
'A State Farm Family Policy
Was never bought in vain;
'Tis paid in small installments,
And buys you easy sleep
Till you are one-and-ninety
And buried six feet deep.'

0 comments.

old post #22, 2 may 01

Posted on February 28th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Reading Classics, Writers, Old Posts.

A Wrinkle in Time is explicitly religious all over the place, but it doesn't have the veneer of priggishness and cold self-righteousness that ruins parts of the Narnia books. L'Engle's mood is more pitying than judgmental. On the other hand, she treats evil as a force more than a choice, and while Lewis's opposite treatment is more judgmental, it also has more to do with the way evil actually works, in my opinion. I'd rather re-read L'Engle's books, but a lot of the reason the religious message slides right by, in my opinion, is that it's not grounded in the actions of the characters. In the Narnia books, Edmund falls into evil by choice, and is redeemed by choice (as is Eustace, while Susan is cold-heartedly damned). In A Wrinkle in Time, Charles falls into evil because he is possessed by the evil force while trying to save his father. That's scary, but it's also unreal in a way that Edmund's choices are not.

0 comments.

old post #21, 19 aug 98

Posted on February 27th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Games, Old Posts.

The idea that "chess is relatively easy" is very recent, and very nearly postdates the crucial match. Just ten years ago, it wasn't difficult to find folks in the AI debate asserting that computers would never beat the best humans at chess.

We don't have a problem with machines being stronger or faster than us, but the idea that we can program computers to exceed our mental processes is deeply disturbing. Yet the notion that this is "impossible" is essentially mystical: it insists that there is more to human thought than the physical workings of the brain, and hence can never be artificially created.

When computers start making original contributions to philosophy, there will be folks maintaining that philosophy is relatively easy.

0 comments.

old post #20, 28 april 98

Posted on February 25th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Books, Old Posts.

I've noticed this in myself and others: We can forgive the things we liked as children, and maybe even still enjoy them, because we didn't know any better and there's an innocent joy in returning to that total open-mindedness. But we can't forgive the things we enjoyed as adolescents, because we were beginning to try to be adults, often self-importantly, and it can be excruciatingly embarrassing to be reminded of what we thought was deep and mature then.

0 comments.

old post #19, 7 jan 02

Posted on February 23rd, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Media, Old Posts.

If advertising were as insidiously, relentlessly effective as all that, we'd all be automatons. (Ah, but how do you know you're not?) We wouldn't be so much like our parents (but who made your parents?), we wouldn't, so many of us, have very much the values of the people who raised and taught us (but who programmed them?). If advertising is so effective, why do we resist it? (Don't make me laugh.) If advertising is so effective, why can't they make us buy anything they want, regardless of quality? (You think you have your own taste, desires, free will? Get real.)

I've read The Hidden Persuaders, and I probably have more interest in what makes advertising work than is healthy for me, just as I am interested in the rhetoric of persuasive (as opposed to truthful) argument. But, with all due respect, most anti-advertising rants I read (closely related to anti-television rants) strike me as a species of conspiracy theory. If someone wants to say there are strings attached to my limbs and those of my children, I can see for myself that it's not so; a persuasive voice is not a string, and the contentiousness, irascibility, and simple desire to please one's own self will continue to confound and frustrate sellers with nothing good to sell, no matter how sneaky they are.

And I've never met an adult where you couldn't guess a lot more about their parents, schooling, and religious upbringing than what television they watched and what advertising they were exposed to.

0 comments.

old post #18, 10 nov 01

Posted on February 20th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Old Posts.

I passed a poster today put up by PETA: "Thanksgiving is Murder on Turkeys." This is one of those moronic political ads that so far as I can tell is intended entirely to give a nice smug feeling to people who already agree, since I can't imagine anyone finding it a revelation and having their mind changed about Thanksgiving: "You mean, they kill birds? THIS TURKEY WAS ONCE A FREE, HAPPY, THRIVING CREATURE, A FRIEND TO MAN, CRUELLY CUT DOWN IN ITS PRIME SO MONSTERS LIKE ME CAN SINK OUR ANIMAL TEETH INTO ITS ONCE-QUIVERING FLESH?? --I am so ashamed."

1 comment.

old post #17, 8 may 99

Posted on February 19th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Old Posts.

My big problem with driving on LSD is that inevitable horrifying realization that I can't drive.

0 comments.

further lies about brad jones (old post #16, jan 98-jun 02)

Posted on February 19th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Untruths, Old Posts.

Brad Jones solved the Trees of Mystery.

You know that creepy feeling that someone's looking at you in the dark? Brad Jones.

Brad Jones is both singular and plural.

Brad Jones disdains the title "producer," preferring to be listed as "mystic wagga."

The Tufted Bean-Warblers have declined to offer arbitration to Brad Jones.

Brad Jones Swallows return to Pensacola every year around Christmas break to party and crap all over everything.

Give Brad Jones a fish and you've fed him for a day. Teach Brad Jones to fish and you're rid of him forever.

The correct plural of Brad Jone is actually Brad Jona.

Brad Jones keeps losing his lab assistants because he insists upon referring to them as "my amanuensis."

Whenever Brad Jones sees Counting Crows on tv his eyes get big and he yells "It's Doctor Jones! Doctor Jones!" until someone changes the channel and he subsides, muttering.

Brad Jones pronounces "infrared" to rhyme with "dared”, to the confusion of his students, readers, subscribers, followers, sidekicks, lackeys, and heirs and assigns.

Teaching Brad Jones is now optional in Kansas. Scientists worry that this will result in Brad Jones growing up pig-ignorant.

You know that really annoying conductor on the 1 train with the same "clever" patter every day? Brad Jones.

63% of Americans can't distinguish between Brad Jones and New Lemon Pledge.

Can you imagine Thursday nights on NBC without Brad Jones? You can't.

Brad Jones has had to be legally enjoined from walking up to small children and informing them grimly that there is no itsy-bitsy spider.

Brad Jones could have had a decent career in competitive jacks had he been able to say "sixies" without loss of muscular coordination.

Brad Jones is a card-carrying card-carrier.

Brad Jones didn't mean to rain on your parade. He can't help it; he's a low-pressure air mass sweeping down from Canada.

Brad Jones's given name is not Bradley; it is just Brad. However, his surname is actually Jonesley.

Have you heard Brad Jones sing the high notes in "Witchy Woman"? Not unless you're a dog.

Brad Jones isn't talking. He is, however, emitting a seemingly organized series of squawks and beeps that experts are attempting to crack.

"Adapt and improve," says Brad Jones, with clenched teeth and jaws.

Sometimes Brad Jones stops dead in the middle of the street and cries out "Christ! what an imagination I've got!"

0 comments.

quotable ebert

Posted on February 18th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Movies.

"This early in the film, we're still asking such logical questions. Later, the despair sets in."

--review of Buddy Buddy

0 comments.

more lies about brad jones (old post #15, jun-jul 97)

Posted on February 17th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Stuff, Untruths, Old Posts.

Brad Jones rips the veil from the nun inside you.

Brad Jones offers a free lunch to all Libertarians.

Brad Jones could feed a family of five for weeks if they'd goddam sit still.

Brad Jones feels chummy today. Look out here he comes!

Brad Jones is demeaning to grubby inconsequential people who smell bad.

Brad Jones conquered half of Europe, but gave it back when a sad little girl cried for Andorra.

There is no "Brad Jones" in "teamwork."

Brad Jones had his Hidden Daffies surgically removed by Dr. Zizmor's Laser of Love.

Round up Brad Jones.

Brad Jones continued his diligent work on the four color mop problem.

Brad Jones has had it with everyone trying to keep up with him.

"Brad" is short for "Hmmmmmmm-brad."

You know how sometimes this topic shows you nothing new for a whole day through several passes, then suddenly it has a dozen messages going back several hours? Brad Jones.

Brad Jones sits in front of a set tuned to SCANALYZER orbiting on triptine and saying over and over "Christ what an imagination I've got!"

Play it, Sam. Play "Brad Jones."

0 comments.

lies about brad jones (old post #14, jan-jun 97)

Posted on February 15th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Comedy, Untruths, Old Posts.

Brad Jones was actually born Brad Bowie, but changed his name to avoid confusion with Brad Buoy, the inventor of the liferaft.

Brad Jones is feared in seven languages.

Brad Jones is responsible for all ska band names. He is still looking for bands willing to shoulder the names "Ska of the Antarctic," "The Skashank Redemption," and "F. Ska Fitzgerald."

A careless whisper of "Brad Jones" in the wrong alley could lead to the death of innocents.

Brad Jones will be down from 5 to 6AM for routine maintenance, following which it will no longer be permissible to disturb his routine.

If Brad Jones had been born a girl, his parents were going to name him Cleopatra.

Brad Jones plays without a cup. His opponents think it just makes him scarier.

If Brad Jones were granted three wishes, he'd wish for three more, but only three, because hey, be reasonable.

Remember that to Brad Jones and his people, a smile is an expression of hostility. If you wish to express your affection for Brad Jones, rub the top of his head.

If Brad Jones could only tell stories, the stories he could tell.

Brad Jones shot the sixth, seventh, and eighth Beatles.

Brad Jones is my brother, yet he's heavy.

In time, everything will be true of Brad Jones.

0 comments.

statistics (old post #13, 15 feb 00)

Posted on February 14th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Comedy, Untruths, Old Posts.

There are more Brazilians in Brussells than there are in Sao Paulo.

There are forty-seven words for "Abba" in Swedish.

Shouting "Bronco Nagurski!" while leaping from the shower to bed in a single bound is responsible for 90% of accidents in the home.

Left-handed people are disproportionately represented in Benetton ads.

0 comments.

old post #12, 17 apr 96

Posted on February 14th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Lists, Words, Comedy, Untruths, Old Posts.

I taught Madonna to eat, sleep, drink, breathe, ride trains, open envelopes, file taxes late without penalty, drop heavy objects from tall buildings, execute perfect triple axels, throw darts accurately with either hand, compensate for the distorting effects of rear-view mirrors, cheat, fly (with or without wings), sprint backwards, extract revenge with no chance of prosecution but with full knowledge of the victim, open child-proof packages effortlessly, play accordion while retaining her friends, tighten belts, loosen sockets, chew gum in a beguiling working-class manner, groan convincingly, belch like a lady, construct origami pets of every genus, pop corn in her mouth, lead oppressed south americans to freedom, defend a field hockey goal mouth, swim, dropkick, shimmy in a corset, tap the zeitgeist in her dreams, and die in her sleep.

In return, she taught me to relax. Ahhhhhhhh.

0 comments.

old post #11, 19 jun 96

Posted on February 12th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Old Posts.

Tattered heads rot under shabby hats.
Haggard rags urge septic heaven's thunder.
Rusted, useless, spent; hearses trample hearts.
Until she hears, tomorrow harbors rats.
Severed hooves turn hobbled roses under.
Herpetic tumors hunger, rancid urine spurts;
Turgid, hollow, rasping, ulcerous, sodden hate.

Utter nothing; candor loses ever.
Never cry; laughter eases umbrage.
Cut losses; exile undoes need.
Late enough; urgency needs change.
Ever upward, nameless, careless, lost;
Unburden. Naked, clawless, live. Escape.

2 comments.

old post #10, 22 jan 05

Posted on February 12th, 2010 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Reading Classics, Writers, Books, Old Posts.

The Genocides is an underrated book. It was a paperback original, his first novel before he had acquired much reputation (it was published in 1965), and his next two novels were undistinguished (I think Camp Concentration is the fourth, not counting work-for-hire stuff). The Genocides was also vilified by a couple of reviewers, including Algis Budrys, who dismissed it as a J.G. Ballard imitation (and we were all supposed to know how we felt about that back then; the war between the traditionalists and the radicals was already beginning to heat up). But it's a compact and neat story of collapse, and the character delineation is superb. Disch has said that to his mind, the appeal of the disaster novel was the implacability, and his disaster wasn't going to be diluted by any kind of rescue or redemption. Even so, it isn't bleak, exactly; the narrative follows the characters and their emotions and tribulations like a camera, but there is something about it that feels disengaged, so the story isn't sad or tragic or even bracing; it's just there. In that sense it is like Ballard, except Ballard's disaster novels tended to suck all human emotion out of everything except one character's interaction with his disaster.

2 comments.

Older »