Lindsay Planer of Allmusic -- I pick on Allmusic a fair amount because I use them as a resource a lot, so I feel compelled to note that they are a fine resource and that most of their writing isn't bad -- is an adherent, a subscriber, a practitioner, a follower of the Thesaurus School of Bad Criticism:
Joining Brubeck are Paul Desmond (alto sax), Bob Bates (bass), and Joe Dodge (drums), whose support of Brubeck is uniformly flawless, ultimately producing what many consider as the most memorable music in the artist's cannon [sic]. "Balcony Rock" commences the platter from sides documented at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor. The heavily improvised tune is formed on an eight-bar blues as Desmond steers the combo via his inspired and lyrical leads. The bouncy "Out of Nowhere," comes via a show at the University of Cincinnati and centers on Brubeck's uncanny timing as his passages quickly vacillate between edgy and atonal to decidedly more fluid and melodic. Again, Desmond is nothing short of exemplary as his sax weaves around the rhythm section. "Le Souk" hails from Oberlin College in Ohio and provides Desmond another strong vehicle. His lines tie Bates' prominent propulsions together with Dodge's solid backbeat and Brubeck's similarly aggressive bashing. This takes place behind Brubeck's emphatic and frenetic pounding and garners considerable appreciation by those in attendance. The sturdy bop supporting Duke Ellington's "Take the 'A' Train" is given further fuel thanks to the combination of Desmond's straightforward and unfettered blows and Dodge's punchy interjections. "The Song Is You" is a minor masterpiece as Desmond's efforts resonate his exceptional fluidity. In fact, practically the whole track is marked by his cool, limber phrasing, with Brubeck taking the helm only briefly at the end. The refined and stately reading of "Don't Worry 'Bout Me" reaches far beyond the blues intimated by the sense of forlorn in Brubeck's contributions, thanks to the simple if not austere arrangement. The converse can be said regarding the striking energy of "I Want to Be Happy" as the band leans in hard with a purpose and finesse that can be eloquently summed up in the final phrase as all four members seemingly draw the song to a dynamic and dramatic conclusion. Indeed the genre gets schooled on Jazz Goes to College, a (dare say) perfect representation of the Dave Brubeck Quartet's pre-Time Out (1959) antics in the preferable concert performance setting.
I love this kind of prose. What kind of ear thinks "commences the platter from sides documented" is better than "begins the album with songs recorded"? "Platter" alone should get Planer's typing privileges suspended for a week. His mindless synonym-flinging is bad enough, but his syntax is worse: "his passages quickly vacillate between edgy and atonal to decidedly more fluid and melodic" and "a (dare say) perfect representation of the Dave Brubeck Quartet's pre-Time Out (1959) antics in the preferable concert performance setting", for example, show that he can't manage the selection or placement of conjunctions (between...to), parenthetical interpolations, or adjectives (preferable) without botching the meaning. "Antics" is just the cherry on top.
It's hard to choose a favorite awful phrase -- "'Le Souk' hails from Oberlin College", "prominent propulsions", "garners considerable appreciation", "Desmond's efforts resonate his exceptional fluidity", "intimated by the sense of forlorn" -- but my choice for the standout sentence, displaying all of Planer's stylistic pimples, is the penultimate one:
The converse can be said regarding the striking energy of "I Want to Be Happy" as the band leans in hard with a purpose and finesse that can be eloquently summed up in the final phrase as all four members seemingly draw the song to a dynamic and dramatic conclusion.
This is why I'll always treasure sincere bad writing over the exercises in the Bulwer-Lytton contest: You just can't write this badly on purpose. Another page could be written about this sentence alone, but I'll settle for pointing out the beautiful grace note of "seemingly". That's the kind of touch that will always be missing from deliberate bad writing. Where did "seemingly" come from? What was he trying to accomplish with it? No one with an ear can tell you.
Kathy Walton
He's got the same disease as television reporters. Only rarely do I pull the headphones from my ears, flinging them to the floor in a seemingly misbegotten fit of pique.
Sorry, couldn't resist .
Occasionally I remove the headphones, look the reporter in the eye and mention that what they just said made no sense in any language I have ever run across. Or I'll gently point out that what they've just rehearsed is a triple redundancy. But they all went to Roget's School of Why Say in Three Words What You Can Say in Twenty. They were indoctrinated while they were young. It's almost impossible to overcome.
Scraps
Sports broadcasters are also terrible offenders. The worst I've heard is New York Knicks broadcaster Walt Frazier, who is addicted to synonyms and pompous phrases and has made a style, if that's the word I'm groping for, of using rhyming pairs of verbs in his commentary ("dishing and swishing", say). Because it isn't written -- though I bet he spends a fair amount of time coming up with his patter -- but improvised on the spot, a lot of it is flat-out incoherent.
But sports broadcasters have some excuse in that they have to improvise a lot of prose when there is nothing whatever to say. Many of them are former sportsmen anyway. I think the allmusic example is, in its way, more perfect than anything I have heard on the radio.
Robert
You garner kudos for ferreting out these seeming pearls of frenetic, jejune verbosity...:)
Scraps
It's true that it's harder to improvise good sentences on the spot. On the other hand, some sports broadcasters could stand to understand that they don't have to yap when there's nothing to say; and I'm disinclined to give Frazier the breaks I would give the similarly incoherent Phil Rizzuto (for example), because Frazier's ludicrous speech is as much a result of his pomposity as it is of having to improvise.
That said, it is a bit unfair to be too critical to errors of speech made in the moment. Writing -- paid writing -- is another matter.
With Allmusic, you get what you pay for. They don't pay their contributors, and that's what they get.
That said, does Pitchfork pay? Because that'd deflate my thesis here.
Scraps
I think Pitchfork pays. They do have at least one reviewer that I like -- Dominique Leone -- and a few decent ones among their gaggle of self-satisfied look-at-me-i'm-writin'! wallies.
Does Allmusic at least give their contributors cds?
Allmusic doesn't pay? Is Stephen Thomas Erlewine independently wealthy or something that he has the time to write all those reviews for free?
Scraps
I'm not sure, but I think Erlewine is Allmusic. Correct me if I'm wrong!
Ahhh...a lot of the mysteries of the universe are coming closer to being solved...thank you!
Scraps has it. And people just love to see their opinions in print, even if the print is on a screen.
Lindsay Planer
glad you like my writing. you could not be more wrong about all media guide. all reviewers are paid
Scraps
Thanks for checking in, and being polite when many would be rude.
I didn't know whether Allmusic paid or not. Glad to hear they pay.
Cheers.
Lindsay Planer
Hi. Lindsay here again .. why be rude? Life is too short and hey, i actually learned something from the comments on this blog ... no harm, no foul
Hope you are all well
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