Posted on July 6th, 2007 by Scraps.
Categories: Words, Comedy.
from The Gospel According to Nathaniel, Chapter 4, Versus 1 through 12
--possibly apocryphal dedication, frequently cited by partisans in the Serial Comma Wars
And he condescended to come down among them, and stood disdainfully in the plain, and in the company of his technical assistants and financial advisors, and a great rabble of common people out of Flint and Akron and all the Midwest, which came to hear him, seeking handouts. And they were vexed with unclear thoughts and low aspirations, and were asking to be slapped around a bit. And the whole multitude sought to touch him, for they felt his superiority and wished to suck it out of him.
And smelling the rabble, he went back up the mountain the better to look down upon them, turned his back, gathered his hangers-on about him, and said unto them:
Blessed be you rich, for it is but a manifestation of your worldly virtue.
Blessed are you that eat well, for if you don't someone else will.
Blessed are you that laugh, for enjoyment at the expense of others is good clean fun.
Blessed are the arrogant, for the earth is theirs and they shall hold on to it most likely.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst after power, for they keep the arrogant on their toes.
Blessed are the merciless, for who said life was fair?
Blessed are the clear in thought, for they don't waste my valuable time.
Blessed are they who sow conflict, for they will reap the profits thereof.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for their greatness, for it is lonely at the top.
Blessed are you when men shall hate you, and when they shall separate themselves from your company, and shall reproach you, and cast out your name as evil, for they only envy you and your freedoms. Rejoice, and be excessively glad, and party hard. Now get me out of here; I hate crowds.
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