recovery slipped

Posted on December 8th, 2009 by Scraps.
Categories: Stuff, Recovery.

Three weeks and four days my precarious recovery slipped, wobbled, and spiraled down, and I'm still slowly coming back. I'd been having a rough day; crying, depression, I don't know what. Sometimes it's hard. Late afternoon I entered the living room, and sat down to watch tv. I was tired, and I laid down. Suddenly I felt strange; maybe five seconds I felt weird, and I felt -- maybe -- my leg started to get cramped. And I felt numb, and I couldn't move. Then I felt better; except I couldn't speak.

Velma was looking pale, though. I wanted to speak to her, but I couldn't. I felt bemused. Suddenly -- again -- the apartment was full of people, EMT people, five of them. I couldn't understand them, mostly. I started to panic. Why? It's just five to ten seconds! They loaded me on a stretcher, and I began to cry. Going to the hospital, again! And I got mad. Speech slowly returned. But I wouldn't talk to the EMT people, or (mostly) Velma. I wasn't rational.

I arrived at the hospital. I was in and out. I remember Howard and Helen were there, but I don't remember them arriving. I lay down, and I turned, and then again I felt strange and again my leg started to cramp. Howard said loudly something.... And then it was three or four days past, upstairs. Apparently I had loudly threatened to kill myself. Apparently I had calmly told Velma I didn't love her anymore; that's hard, but is harder for Velma. Apparently I had two seizures, about three minutes; when you experience something as five seconds but in fact it actually is three minutes, it's, well, weird.

Anyway, I'm back, slowly, again. I'm home, after six days. Two weeks of Lexipro was hard, but I finally got off that stuff. Now I'm still on Keppra, which makes me numb and sleepy and queasy and I can't sleep -- yes, I can simultaneously can't sleep and am sleepy -- but my neurologist thinks it's messing up with Gabapentin, so I'm going to pull off the Gabapentin slowly, about six weeks, then check.

So yeah, the recovery slipped. But my comeback is back.

7 comments.

Luke McGuff

Comment on December 8th, 2009.

What an awful experience. But I'm glad you're still alive, and that your comeback is back.

Andrew Hickey

Comment on December 9th, 2009.

That's awful, but I'm so glad it's still getting better. Thinking of you and Velma...

Susan de Guardiola

Comment on December 9th, 2009.

My thoughts are with you.

Madeleine Robins

Comment on December 9th, 2009.

I'm so happy to see your words here. Have been thinking about you. And I'm glad the comeback is back.

Bryan M

Comment on December 9th, 2009.

Welcome back!

Were you taking the Gaba and Lexapro at the same time?

Scraps

Comment on December 10th, 2009.

Actually, yes. Why?

LauraJMixon

Comment on December 12th, 2009.

I've been thinking of you daily. It must have been scary, and weird. Glad you are back here.

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